Alone

So there I was, alone
i had a chance to finally have the boy that has made a mansion in my heart
had a chance to lay to rest all of the rumors of the wonders of sex
has a chance to be happy since he is the one who understands my moods the best
and i had to say no
no to my happiness, love, heart
since i was a christian
you can't have an unequal yoke relationship
yes he doesn't go to church
i have no idea if he believes in God
but HE never judged me
HE never made fun at my sometimes socially awkward self
HE never turned his back on me when i had slow moments
HE embraced me when i was drained at the end of the day
i wanted so bad to say yes to my happiness
yes yes yes
to my chance to finally have a complete heart
after the many times he broke it when he was with another girl
but no, i revert to my old self
even after so many years, when i "grew up"
when i get too close to him, i become young again
inexperienced, blubbering, nervous, shy, fidgety
but he put up with it
only to have me say no
because of my conscious
warning me that i was giving into temptation
so where does that leave me?
there is no boy waiting for me at home
no boy that is for me in church
no boy at the streets who know my name
so therefore i am
alone